Support your husband

Supporting your husband is one of many things that a wife should do in a healthy marriage. Believe in your husband’s talent’s and skills in order to help him achieve his dreams even if it takes longer than he expected. Many times your husband is your children’s hero, so don’t always speak about the bad things he does when the kids are around. Just because we’re “men” doesn’t mean you should never tell us that you are proud of us for something. Tell your husband that you are proud of him as a father and your husband. When you tell your husband how proud you are of him it can be a real confidence booster even if he doesn’t say anything back like “thank you”. Respect your husband despite all of his faults or failures and tell him you think he is great anyways.

Sometimes it will be hard to agree with some of the things your husband does and you may not even like it but you should always make it clear that you love him very much no matter what. By the way, this guide can be used as a unisex guide since the advise here can go both ways. If you think your husband is wrong about something, don’t yell at him and call him names or raise your voice over something so silly. Instead, try guiding him to your point of view rather than fighting him and forcing him to listen to what you have to say because you think your idea is better. You both should always remain calm and friendly while working this out. Always ask yourself, “If this was my friend coming up with this idea would I be raising my voice and snapping at them, telling them that their idea sucks?” No, you wouldn’t so don’t do it to your husband. I know that you know exactly when he says something that you are ready to snap at him about and the raising of the voice comes with it, so try to catch yourself BEFORE it happens and watch how smoothly your disagreement goes.

It’s ok to tell him he messed up but don’t yell at him or raise your voice when telling him or try to embarass him. It’s best to tell a man he messed up in a kind of matter-of-fact way and if there’s any people around, wait until you are alone with him. He will appreciate you even more when he realizes this. Knowing when to push your husbands buttons and when to stop is critical. When he is criticizing himself is not the time to start pushing buttons or agree with him. It’s only going to make him feel worse and may even start an argument with you. When your husband is telling a story, don’t interrupt him by correcting him while he speaks. Once or twice might be ok but don’t keep doing it the whole time he is talking. It’s best to not even do it at all in all honesty. Give your husband your attention and listen to his stories or whatever he is talking to you about even if you find them terribly boring and it’s killing you to stand there and listen. Also, don’t make faces or start breathing differently as he will know you don’t have any interest in what he is saying and his feelings will be hurt. Body language can sometimes speak louder than real words from the mouth.

All human beings have dreams or goals and when your husband is talking to you about his dreams or goals you should really support him even if you think they won’t ever happen. If money is tight and he keeps talking about getting his new “acting job” that he has been pursuing for 10 years with no results then obviously it’s time to have a calm civilized talk with him and maybe you can pursue him to go after some other dream or idea but remeber don’t raise your voice and pretend you were talking to that friend of yours again and ask that same question once again, “Would I be raising my voice at my friend right now if she was the one I was talking to right now?” No, you wouldn’t. Be your husband’s friend and give him some support when he needs it but don’t be afraid to confront him if he makes a foolish decision. Just be calm and talk in a normal tone of voice as if you were carrying on a normal conversation with someone.

Men hate to ask for directions, we all know that. Sometimes when a man loses his direction in life he really could use your help even though he will never ask for it. Don’t make him ask for it either. Go to him and talk to him about things and see what he says but don’t probe too much or get to aggressive. The perfect solution to getting answers is to give your husband a nice soft back rub and the questions to your answers will flow from his mouth like wine.

Comments

[local girl]

Great advice. Sometimes we forget that men have feelings to! Thanks for sharing this with the Carnival of Family Life.

[Lisa]

Great post. I tell my husband I am proud of him and that I really appreciate everything he does all the time. It goes a long way to tell just how important he is to me.

Here via the carnival of family life.

[DigitalRich]

Great post! I will make sure my wife reads it right away :)

We just had a situation where I told her about I dream, or vision rather, for the 15 acres next to our land. I would love to buy it and build a rustic bed & breakfast with separate cabins, a common lodge with huge fireplace, dining room, game room, etc. She said I was crazy and shut me down. Ouch :)

DigitalRich
Here via Carnival of Family Life

[little mommy]

That's great advice, but what if he tells you that he will never talk to you about personal things? How do you get him to talk to you without making him angry?

[Jason]

Well then first problem is that he is obviously getting angry. No one should be getting angry just becuse you are trying to talk to them. I think we need to know if you are "pressuring" him into talking to you about his personal things. If you are constantly trying to get this information out of him he eventually will get angry and from that point on will more than likely get angry as soon as he senses you trying to pry this information out of him.

How importantant is it that you need to get some personal information out of him? Why do you need to know it? And, what would getting this information from him actually do for him or you?

Many guys out there aren't soft like most women are which means most of the times they just won't talk about sensative stuff nor is it even bothering them inside (in other words, they could care less). Many times women pressure us and constantly try to get us to "open up" to them but really it's the woman who want to hear this soft side of us. It's not that we are shy or don't want to open up and talk about deep feelings an such, we just think of it like this:

Women watch certain types of tv shows and men of course want to watch their action type of tv shows. A women can ask a man about his tv show and he'll gladly tell you all about it but you will never catch that same man asking his wife about her soap opera and carrting on a conversation about it.

This is also how men feel about "opening up" sometimes so don't be upset if he doesn't want to do what you feel he should. We must all accept people's differences and just move on. The more you try to get him to open up the more he might be shutting you out and it will start to cause problems in the long run.

[Emily]

Great advice, I agree with all of it. My husband and I are very close and best friends, we do everything we can together. He is unlike any man I have ever known or heard of. I even love watching the same crime/action/sci-fi movies and tv shows as him... and he likes most chick flicks. In most ways we are perfectly matched. I dont nag about opening up, ever. When I do ask him to talk to me seriously he is always open and honest with me... BUT, It is emotionally draining and I will tell you why. I go months without nesessarily NEEDING an intimate converstaion... but when the time finally does come, I wait and weeks go by and still he doesn't willingly open up to me. As a result I become depressed and teary while waiting to hear just a few serious words of love and devotion from the only man in the world that matters to me. Now, most people would put me in the emotionally needy generic woman file and think nothing of it... but I am not... nor do I think it is fair to automatically assume that all women are basketcases that just need to calm down and take a dose of reality. Sometimes the men need to remind themselves that we need to hear some kind of reassurance (especially with the way divorce rates have skyrocketed) that we are the only one in the world that deserves your affection and devotion. I could put all men in a file genericly labeled childish and one tracked... but I know thats not real. Men have as many levels of personality as women. I mostly agree with all you have stated, but my question and problem remains... that I (not being intrusive by nature) want my husband to open up and dont expect him to read my mind. What do you say to that?